Self-worth is one of those things we all carry differently. Sometimes it can feel solid and safe, and sometimes we carry it with fragility, that we have to consciously uplift.
We recently asked members of the Vancouver community to reflect on self-worth: when it felt most distant, when it felt the strongest, and what has helped them along the way. What came out of these questions was reflective and honest: self-worth is a practice that is shaped by connection and patience.
For one community member, the lowest point came in the years following university, a time marked by isolation, financial strain, and emotional distance.
“Lockdown was hard on my familial relationships, and I moved out sooner than I intended to. I was struggling financially and mentally and living alone in a new neighbourhood. None of my friends had moved out yet… I felt very isolated and internalized it as if I’d done something to deserve it.”
Another reflection echoed this feeling, recalling a period of struggling with mental health in high school, feeling alone while trying to stay afloat socially and academically, unsure of where identity fit into it all.
And yet, when asked about moments of most self-worth, both voices pointed to the present.
“I think I’m entering into that chapter now… I’ve done a lot of work with my therapist to come to terms with past experiences and create a new understanding of myself. What helped most was instilling small acts of self-care in my daily life, to show that I am enough and deserving.”
The idea that self-worth isn’t something you arrive at once, but something you show yourself, came up again and again. Allowing worth to exist without achievement.
Advice to a younger self followed a similar thread:
“Others do not define your worth. You define your worth by how you treat yourself, your environment, and those around you. Good intentions will serve you better than striving for perfection.”
Another reflection added: say good things or bad things about yourself — either way, you’re right. Surround yourself with people who choose to show you love.
Community also plays a powerful role in helping us see what we can’t always see ourselves.
“My therapist. My friends. My partner… In times when I need it, they become a mirror to reflect back to me what I cannot see in that moment.”
Friends, family, long-term connections, the people who witness our effort, compassion, and growth, they often hold our worth for us until we’re ready to carry it again.
And when it comes to celebrating ourselves, the answers were simple: quality time with loved ones. A sweet treat. Movement. Flowers. A dinner out. Small rituals that remind ourselves that we matter.
If you feel called to, we invite you to reflect alongside us:
- When did self-worth feel furthest away for you? And when did it feel closest?
- Who helped you see your value when you couldn’t?
- How do you celebrate yourself, big or small?
The conversation doesn’t end here. It grows each time we choose to listen to ourselves, and to one another.
Take care,
Micaela from Wirth
